A love story

You can learn some of the biggest lessons about love on the Love Island. I’m not referring to the British reality show, but to Tenerife—the largest of the Canary Islands, known for its connection to the heart chakra. It has the power to both challenge and heal anything within us that is (not) love.

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I first met R. at the Ayahuasca retreat in June 2022. I remembered him because he felt like a mirror to me, and I found him very cute. However, he seemed overly withdrawn and carried a certain sadness in his body, leaving my curiosity about him unexplored until a year later when I returned to Tenerife. We reconnected over the summer and had an honest, mature conversation about what we wanted from our connection. Both of us, conscious and kind individuals with over 40 years of life and travel experiences, mutually decided to continue our life journeys together for as long as it felt right. We had each been alone long enough to know we didn’t want to be alone anymore. We wanted a shared, supportive partnership. And we liked each other enough to give it a try. We also had the same life purpose number and I couldn't help but adore R.'s gentle and sensitive side with the many flowers he placed around his home possibly thanks to the water elements in his Sun, Moon, and Rising signs. We completed each other in many ways, but what stood out to me was how naturally we fell into the traditional roles of feminine and masculine energies: he provided for us physically, while I offered emotional support.

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The first night I moved into his flat, I had a dream where I heard the words, "This is the sound of an angel." Immediately afterward, I woke up to the sound of the wind chime, stirred by a strong gust of wind through the bedroom window. As I tried to fall back asleep, I received another message, this time in the form of a feeling that’s difficult to describe, but I’ll try. It felt as though some higher being—a spiritual guide or force that had watched over me until now—was handing me over to R., trusting him to look after me. I sensed this protective presence leaving, and just as it did, the chime stopped ringing. Silence filled the room. I shed a few tears, feeling the loss of something profound, and eventually drifted back to sleep.

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R. and I had many similarities, including a love for nature, hiking, and swimming. We both enjoyed adventure, listening to medicine music, caring for our bodies, and eating healthy. We also appreciated some level of creative and artistic hobbies. Our shared work ethic, reliability, and accountability made us a good team. Interestingly, we often dressed in the same colours unintentionally and even had similar hairstyles, height, and body shape.

While we were playing a guessing game, soaking our feet in salty water under the starry sky, R. was thinking of an object hanging on the wall above the little desk where I used to sit when I worked online. I just couldn’t guess what it was. I lost the game, but later, when I walked into the room and checked the object he had been thinking about—a record he used to dim the brightness of a light bulb—I noticed two characters dancing on the illustration of the label, with the word "TWINS" written beneath them.

As much as we were similar, we were also opposites. One of us was strictly vegan, while the other ate meat. One of us adored cats, but the other was allergic to them. One preferred the cold, while the other loved warmth. One of us had inner emotional balance, while the other had outer financial stability. We had a bit of a yin and yang dynamic, balancing each other in complementary ways.

As good as it all seemed, something felt off from the very beginning. I noticed that his gentle, loving side was often overshadowed by negative thinking. He rarely smiled, spoke, or spent time with me, even though we were living under the same roof. This left me feeling lonely and abandoned. I also felt stuck because I couldn't find work and my bank account was close to dry-up. Although R. reassured me that he was happy to share his home and food with me, I still didn't feel comfortable being dependent on him. I started to observe myself and my role in this love/situationship. I tried to approach it with playfulness and curiosity, like "Okay, this is what it is, embrace it!" I couldn’t help but wonder what this experience was here to teach me.

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I often cried beside him in bed when he turned away from me, feeling a deep ache in my chest. We never fell asleep in each other’s arms. R. had a routine: he’d hold me briefly, but as soon as he was ready to sleep, he’d turn to the other side, moving away from me. This hurt me deeply, stirring up my abandonment issues—perhaps his as well. As an empath, I tend to absorb the energy around me, and since R’s home had become my constant environment, waves of sadness would wash over me regularly, ebbing and flowing.

I was convinced he had been living with these feelings too, whether consciously or unconsciously—most likely unconsciously. He was disconnected from his emotions. At times, I saw him as a machine, just going through the motions of life without truly living it.

Long story short, we all get triggered in relationships, especially when emotions are involved. Two people bring their pasts into the present to create a future together, and we were no different. Emotional triggers and unresolved issues tied to love and intimacy began to surface. Our shared focus on being together and supporting each other soon shifted into a warning zone. Since we were both awakened, intelligent, and mindful of each other’s needs, I believed that with honest communication, we could work through these complexities. But somehow, R.’s actions didn’t follow through, and the connection failed to deepen. We continued to live just next to each other rather than truly together. That’s when I realized I had entered a relationship with an emotionally unavailable man.

I had a major wake-up call when I noticed a sign hanging on the door of the hair salon I visit every few months. It read, "Do not let anybody dim your light"—a sign I had never noticed before, until I let R. into my life.

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I generally experienced R. as grumpy, moody, tired, unhappy, disinterested in others, and having trouble sleeping at night. Could these be signs of male menopause? Because men go through menopause too, did you know?

About Andropause (male menopause).

Some men develop depression, loss of sex drive, erectile dysfunction, and other physical and emotional symptoms when they reach their late 40s to early 50s but they can start any time from the age of 30 onwards. Other symptoms common in men this age are: mood swings, irritability, insomnia. 

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In April, I began to sense jealousy, which surprised me since I’m not usually the jealous type. But again, whose feeling was it—mine or his? That same month, I started playing beach volleyball with a friendly group of people, and my energy began to lift. I made new friends and had fun at the beach. I loved having a place to go to socialize, yet I was equally happy to come home to R., giving him cheerful hugs and kisses whenever he was open to receive them.

I also noticed flies circling in the centre of our living room.

"When looking for a mate, flies will gather around a noticeable landmark such as a bush or under a tree. When indoors this is commonly under a lampshade or equivalent. Potential mates will head towards this landmark looking for candidates. Since flies are poor at hovering they will circle around the area." The Guardian

Spiritually flies are symbols of transformation and development. When you find a fly in your house, it may be a reminder that change is inevitable. Throughout our lives, we continue to grow and develop as we walk our paths toward spiritual enlightenment, and like the fly, we undergo transformation.

Flies are also often seen as symbols of filth, and their appearance may carry a message about something in our life that is decaying or "rotten." This could mean that a neglected relationship is now deteriorating, or it might suggest that a relationship has become toxic and unhealthy. In such a case, the message might be that it’s time to end this unhappy connection rather than allowing it to continue polluting our life with negativity.

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In mid-May, we entered Gemini season, a time that can bring up triggers in relationships—whether in work, love, or home—through arguments, miscommunication, and the surfacing of hidden aspects of ourselves. This is when R. broke up with me for the first time. We talked it through, questioning whether this was truly the solution for his feelings—essentially, whether removing me, the feminine energy that had brought him to his tipping point (FYI lightworkers bring ppl to their tipping edge, trigger them to heal), would help. After working through his sudden emotional turmoil, we rekindled our connection. But just two weeks later, in June, he broke things off again, this time louder and angrier. This time around, I set my tears aside and saw him as a coward. When we hit a bump in the road, he turned back instead of facing the difficulties. We were no longer a team working together to solve the problem—he was working against me. The intelligent man I once knew had turned into a toddler having tantrums, directing his uncontrolled anger and frustration toward me. And now, he wanted me out of his home as fast as possible.

*Temper tantrums are unpleasant and disruptive behaviors or emotional outbursts. They often occur in response to unmet needs or desires. Tantrums are more likely to occur in younger children or others who cannot express their needs or control their emotions when they are frustrated.

Vibrationally, I believe that during our connection, I absorbed R.'s low-vibrational energy when I entered "his world" in October. He was emotionally stuck, and I found myself becoming physically stuck. In a divine connection, the Divine Feminine (DF) often manifests externally what the Divine Masculine (DM) is experiencing internally—and vice versa. When the DF completes her healing, regains balance, and reclaims self-worth, her vibration begins to rise. Her energy starts to dominate. For me, this shift started when I took up beach volleyball and formed a new circle of friends. At this point, the DF can elevate the DM along with her, but only if he chooses to rise too, as free will is always in play. In our case, R. chose to stay stuck. After I shared my summer plans and ideas for a future of growth together, his hatred toward me escalated. Initially, he agreed, and it felt like we were aligned once more—as a team in both ego and soul, yin and yang, light and shadow. But soon, his fears resurfaced, his ego took the lead, and the dynamic shifted once again.

I was asked to move out immediately. He couldn’t wait the three remaining weeks before I was due to leave for work abroad. Instead, he showed a dark, unlikable side of him that made me feel unsafe and forced me to agree to leave ASAP—though I hoped it wouldn’t mean going out onto the street with a suitcase. I felt humiliated, disrespected, and hurt by how he treated me throughout the breakup. I had always been calm and collected around him, encouraging understanding and supporting his needs, yet unafraid to express my truth. Perhaps this held up a mirror that reflected more than he could handle. I recommended that he find a therapist.

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Why couldn’t he simply wait until I was gone? Why was it so suddenly urgent for him to be rid of me? I soon found answers to these questions reflected in his actions that followed.

I found an earring on the floor that wasn’t mine. He bought a whole bag of new underwear to replace the old ones the last weekend I spent there, and on my final day, he stripped the bedsheets to wash them as soon as I got up, leaving me with the unsettling feeling that he was expecting someone else to take my place in the bed.

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This experience, of course, further damaged my faith in men, though thankfully, not in love. As the saying goes, Love doesn’t hurt; people do. And despite the humiliating ending, my love for him hasn’t faded—though my trust in him has shattered.

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Before you start to feel sorry for me, rest assured—my summer didn’t end on a bad note at all. The universe took good care of me. After the breakup, I moved to my friend’s sofa until it was time to fly to Belgium for a temporary nanny job. To my surprise, the family provided a first-class ticket, and I was accommodated in a castle with my own wing, complete with a private bathroom stocked with luxurious soaps and a bathtub. Having the chance to soak in hot water felt like the ultimate luxury, especially since I have a bit of an obsession with soaps, lol!

During my stay on the vast green, foresty land with horses, I enjoyed learning about the modern and traditional life of the French lordly. The castle owners—two elderly, friendly grandparents who enjoyed painting and hunting in their free time—were incredibly kind and welcoming, which helped me move on from my recent heartache. By the way, horses are some of the greatest emotional healers among animals; their sensitivity allows them to sense and mirror emotions, often reflecting things back that we may not even realize we’re holding onto. It was truly the perfect place to regain my strength after a turbulent phase of uncertainty.

During my time here, I also received an unexpected message about a job opportunity starting in September at one of the international schools in Tenerife—a position I had been applying for over the last four years. It felt like a dream come true.

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Now, I am back on my feet again, continuing to navigate through life's next challenges and joys as a solo, independent woman in the Canary Islands. :)

Thank you for reading.

Until next time ♡